Another day come and gone with no word from the Consulate. I would be lying if I didn’t say I was beginning to despair that I may not hear from the Consulate this week. Our original return date on our plane tickets is Jan 17, and the longer we go without hearing anything the more I think we will be pushing that date back. Maybe even missing Allen’s birthday.
My mom reminded me that God will give us today what God wants us to have. At first, my reaction was frustration and anger. “Why isn’t God just answering my prayer to get us home soon? Is he punishing me because I haven’t learned or accomplished something he wants me to? Why is he keeping me away from my husband and support group when I need them so much? Why isn’t he answering my prayers to change the way I feel about this situation if he’s not going to change the situation itself?” I have a lot of questions. All unanswered.
I’m still struggling. I miss my husband and son. I miss my family, friends, and church family. I don’t think I’ve been the best mom to Ruth while we’ve been here because of my anxiety and depression. I’m not even the same person here. And even though I know we will get home one day, each hour that passes with no news on the visa just adds to the feelings that we won’t. Since my feelings aren’t trustworthy, I’m just holding onto a few things I know are true:
God is good, and his plans are better than mine. That doesn’t magically produce a visa and 2 plane tickets home, but if I think about the big picture, my current discomfort is minimized.
There is nothing that will make me want to be home any less than I already do, and so I will continue to pray that God gets us home before Allen’s birthday- as soon as possible, in fact. But I also need to remember that when his answers don’t please me, he is still good. That’s it, he is still good.
Thank you, for those who have continued to support us this long. I know our adoption story is not “new and exciting” anymore. We get fewer messages and well wishes the longer we’re in country. Makes sense, nothing has changed for so long our journey seems “boring” to most now. But we truly appreciate those who are continuing to pray for us. And thank you for praying for the Wilks- their appointment on Thursday holds a lot of promise. We are praying that it goes very well.