It’s been quite some time since our last update on Cynthia, a really long time. Partially because we’re in the long season of waiting for her process- just waiting for confirmation that her government has officially matched us with her. But there is another reason that we haven’t updated, and it’s because we’re weary.
Unlike Ruth’s adoption, which actually went very quickly (how funny it is that I’m typing that when just two years ago I would have said her process was taking a lifetime!), Cynthia’s adoption has already past the one year mark plus some. And, due to staff changes within her government’s adoption department, we’re looking at extended waiting time. How I wish we were still anticipating traveling this fall to go get her… But the reality is, it may be next fall before that happens.
Again, we are journeying through a season of waiting. For 11 months we were waiting to meet Ruth. For 5 weeks we waited for his visa. And now, for 14 months and counting we are waiting to meet our sweet Cynthia. But this time, we’re holding onto the truth that God only does what is ultimately good for his children. A sweet artist named Danielle has an obedient heart for the Lord and boldly spoke truth to me (and thousands of other followers) last Thursday on her Instagram account. She was focusing on the fact that God is good, and that he only does good as Psalm 84:11 says, “For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” We don’t understand the wait, it doesn’t make sense to us, but we trust that God is not shaken- he knows all and is choosing to keep Cynthia in her birth country because, right now, it is GOOD for her.
When I reflect honestly about why I’m weary of the wait, it’s because I’m being self-seeking. I don’t want to wait any longer to meet Cynthia. I want to bring her home to her forever family now because I know the love and security of a family is what she needs most. I don’t want to continue to be vulnerable to a system that will not cater to our time table and cause pain over and over again by prolonging the waiting. I want to meet her and for her to want to meet me. I want, I want, I want…
Ruth Chou Simons said on the Journey Women podcast that “the amount of time we spend thinking about ourselves betrays what we really believe about our position before God.” This hit me exactly where it needed. How can I, a finite human being with *extremely* limited knowledge of anything, think that I would know what’s best for Cynthia over our good, Heavenly, all-knowing Father, creator of everything?
Short answer: I don’t.
With this truth being spoken to me by others, and then speaking it to myself, I still fail. I still want the waiting to be over, but it’s in times like this where our lives can be a living sacrifice, an act of worship, to declare our faith in God’s goodness. To trust in Him despite circumstances and hardships. To thank him for his sovereignty and kindness to us for always doing what is good.
So I will stop shutting myself off to vulnerably praying for Cynthia daily. Though it hurts, I will continue hoping for a faster process than what we’re told, but trusting that the timing is not ours but predetermined by our Father for all of our good. I will no longer stop the every day thoughts of Cynthia that are a part of my bonding and attaching to her, even before we meet. The pain will continue as long as we’re waiting, but we will reflect on the sadness we feel at the prospect of the long road and know that in the future God will present our finish line and we will glorify him every step of the way.
Cynthia, we thank God that you are so well cared for right now in your beautiful birth country. As much as we want you home right now, that is not what God has planned. But the timing he has planned is so much better than what we could imagine. We will continue to trust that he is working for your good, and ours, and we will meet you at exactly the perfect time. We love you, little bug. We will come for you soon, and until then, we will wait patiently under the peace of our Heavenly Father.